You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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