so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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