I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
