He asked to "fluff my boner.."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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