I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize