hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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