seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
