Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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