I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
