All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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