grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Damn victory sex feels great
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
