Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
