Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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