Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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