she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
