It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
