4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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