Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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