pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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