Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
