You can't motorboat a personality
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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