The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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