He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
