This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
