I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
