Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
