I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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