literally had 100 drinks last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
