Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
