does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
