i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
