You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
