Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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