i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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