So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
