oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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