was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
