he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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