How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
