I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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