Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize