Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
