Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
