I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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