I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize