he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
