apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
