Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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