I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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