The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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