She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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