if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
PANTIES FOUND
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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