So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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