My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
