just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
