Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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