my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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