I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
