I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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