and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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