you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm passing your future prison.
i drank out of a bidet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
