I skipped work to stalk him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
