tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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