She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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