Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
