I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
