You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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