she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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