I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize