every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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