I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
