This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
