I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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