have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
