What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
