My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
