I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
