He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Fuck appropriateness.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
