Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
