he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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