physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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