so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
