So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
