I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
