I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize