I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
