Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's like iHOP with fire
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
